Where did Monica go?

My last blog inspired me to write this one.

Okay I am a very neat person.  I am the "Monica", if you will.  For all of you who don't understand I am talking about the show "Friends".  You see I can completely relate to her.  Even the episode where she preferred people use their hands, as opposed to utensils, to eat off of her new china.  I thought to myself at the time, 'Whoa, what a nut job".  Well the older I have gotten I am have become that nut job.  The kind of of gal (or guy--OCD does not discriminate) who pulls her sleeve down across her hands when opening the fridge so not to leave fingerprints!  The kind of gal that makes lists of the lists she needs to make.  I think I need help is what I told myself several months ago.  So, I took the next step and saw a psychiatrist.  I met her and my intuitive impression was..she's like me.  She likes things clean.  I could see it in her office, her neat pixie hair style, the no fuss stud earrings, her practical yet stylish shoes.  She, I think, could help me.  We sat down these many months ago and just chatted and chatted and chatted some more over the following weeks.  I had to admit to myself that it was working and that what I used to see through OCD eyes (which, by the way, she said I truly did not have.  I think I had a tiny bit.) I now saw as simply a dirty counter and it would be there for me to clean up at anytime.  I did not have to drop everything, clean it, and then yell at my husband for putting a greasy spatula on it.  It is the kitchen!  So the therapy and, oh yes, the meds have helped a lot with this 'disorder'.  My psychiatrist thinks I'm breaking through and see the light.  Now, I can honestly say I will never be at a point where dishes are stacked high in the sink with dried on food, the hardwood floors resemble carpet, or the sinks are polka-dotted with toothpaste dollops but I am being.  My doctor and I say 'being' a lot because that's what OCD is all about not having the control to just be.  It's ritualistic and it's exhausting.  I prefer to spend time my time these days being more creative which really makes me smile.  Now a clean house gets a smile out of me, too, but the quality of smiles is so different.