CT scan results are in....

I have been in a holding position since Tuesday when I heard the news of a possible nodule in my lung.  See my previous post.  I was anxious, then calm, then anxious, then calm.  Well, yesterday I had the CT scan to determine what this 'nodule' was exactly.  I picked up the hubby and we drove to our nearest CT scan stand, which happens to be the mightly Duke University Medical Center.  The place I can navigate with a blindfold on and hands tied behind my back.  I was sent to the place of so many other CT scans.  Now, for those you have never had a CT (CAT) Scan it's interesting.  Basically, you lie on a table within a circle and that huge circle 'scans' a certain area of your body.  Think of the way a copier scans a piece of paper; it's kind of like that.  It's a pretty quick procedure, about 5 minutes.  As I lie on the table thinking of course, I notice the tiles on the ceilings.  Why do all medical facilities have the same ceiling tiles?  Waiting in examination rooms for a good portion of my life has brought me to notice the ceiling tiles, floor tiles, lighting, mirrors, you get the picture.  Yesterday I did my usual, take notice of the ceiling tiles and I counted them.  For some reason this relaxs me.  Before I knew it the scan was over.  Back to putting on my clothes and back to waiting.  I hate waiting.  My mother and my husband would say I am the most impatient person.  I am.  I was hoping for the results later that afternoon but I realized it was late afternoon already and most likely I wouldn't hear anything.  So, I did the best I could not to think about it.  I slept very well and got up for work this morning almost forgetting that I had something looming.  Of  course, at about 9:30am I was anxious.  I was ready to hear.  "Surely, they know something now", I thought.  I got impatient and emailed my doc.  He and I work together with a non-profit he founded (you may have heard of it, the Lung Transplant Foundation!) and I on certain occasions I have emailed him directly to find an answer to a medical question.  Normally, though, I don't bypass my coordinator because I don't like keeping her out of the loop.  Besides, I knew he was not in clinic today and he responds very fast.  He's an awesome doc in all the ways that count, but that's another blog post!  The first sentence of his email already had me at ease.  "Don't worry it looked normal."  The 'nodule' that I had been so frantic about was nothing more than a shadow of bone or blood vessels and that my "lungs looked great on CT".  Whew!  So I fretted over something that never was.  I felt relief but also very silly.  I have so many friends that are going through serious issues right now and they keep such grace and composure.  Why do I freak out so easily and what am I going to do the next time this is not a drill?  I wish I was the kind of girl that can just 'take each day as it comes' but I'm not and I've come to terms with that.  I will never be her.  I worry, probably a little too much, but that is who I have always been.  I worry about the future because it's uncertain.  Certainty is like my sneaky little best friend.  He's not always there when I need him.  I guess he's not there for anyone, really.  I will try to take a note from my happy go lucky, live each day like it's your last, take it step by step handbook and just be thankful for today and happy for the good results of a scary thought.  Oh, and thankful for the people that get me through the, "today could be my last day, where do I go from here?, what if the news is terrible!" thought.